B is for Boundaries

“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.” Henry Cloud

Personal boundaries are guidelines, rule, or limits that I create based off my past experiences and beliefs. From the day that I found out I was pregnant and continuing daily I have set boundaries.  I have learned a lot and continue to learn a lot since becoming a birth mom. One thing I have learned is that I will come across those who do not understand, accept, or care to learn about adoption.  Ever since the beginning of my journey after placement I was careful who I spoke with about it but I I felt like I was not being fair to myself and even other birth moms out there.  How will the beautiful message be spread about adoption if no one talks about it? What if I lose friends when I talk openly about it though?  This is when an amazing blog post opened my eyes.  It talked about my soul house and who I will let in it, who I will let in my front yard, then across the street, and then in the next county, etc. 

What boundaries will I set and why let what others may think or feel determine my boundaries?  So things began to change.  I started creating my boundaries.  I began to notice that those who were not okay with my happiness and openness about my decision I placed outside my soul house.  Things started looking brighter for me.  Burdens were lifted off my shoulders.  I began to realize I do not have to please everyone.  I started seeing the difference in my life by setting boundaries.

I have also placed boundaries on who I let in.  Who I will share my journey of adoption with.  You need to gain my trust and respect before I share personal things with you.  I just realized how contradicting that is though because I am sharing it with the world.  I pray though that through my online journaling and sharing this with people I do not know they will be educated.  I pray that the single mother who just found out she is pregnant and feels hopeless comes across my blogs and realizes that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Set your boundaries.  Clean out your soul house.  Remove the unnecessary things and even people from your life that are causing you pain.  I have and I continue to do so and trust me its one of the best things I have ever done and will continue to do.

“Evaluating the benefits and drawbacks of any relaitonship is your responsibility. You do not have to passively accept what is brought to you. You can choose.” Deborah Day