When I come across a word I like to look up it's definition, even if it is a common word and I already know its meaning. I just like to make sure I truly understand its meaning. I also like to look up synonyms of the word so I can understand the meaning even more.
Patience : quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence
Fortitude: mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously.
Patience is something I had to learn in my journey with adoption, but through it all, I gained fortitude. I had to learn to be patient and while developing this virtue as many say I realized the strength I had gained emotionally and mentally. The decision I had made was a difficult one. I struggled throughout my journey with the what ifs. What if she grew to hate me because she felt like I didn't love her or what if the family that I chose didn't last? I learned that these were things I could not dwell on. I could not dwell on things that were out of my control. I had to learn to let go and let things take its own course. I had to learn to be patient. You can't have patience without faith and you can't have faith without patience. I had to have faith in my decision that I was doing what was best for me and my unborn child. I had to have faith in something and someone greater than me that He would have His hand in all this. I had to have PATIENCE! I had to trust in Him. I had to trust in the promptings that I felt when I found her parents. I had to have PATIENCE!
When I look at my journey I look back and I am in awe of the fortitude I was blessed with. I know I was given this gift from my Father in Heaven. He knew what I was about to face. He knew the trials I was going to have along with my decision. He knew I would lose friends a long the way because of my decision, but He also knew I would be blessed with so many new friends because of my decision. He knew who two of the friends I would meet were and He blessed me with the knowledge of knowing that not only will they be my friends for eternity but they would be the parents to this wonderful little girl that I was about to bring into this world. She was never mine and He blessed me in knowing this. I was blessed with patience and I still am to this day. Not a day goes by that I wonder what the future will hold, but I know that I have to live my life for me today. I need to live in the present and not in the future. My Heavenly Father will ensure that things work out the way they are meant to.
A month after I placed I was at church and our ward High Counselor gave an amazing talk about how to prepare for a marathon. At this time I too was learning the beauty and healing power in running. He read a scripture that stood out to me and I have carried it with me ever since.
Hebrews 12:1 "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
The race is long and I must and will run with patience.
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